| Aaaaat laaaaasst. |
[05 Jan 2009|07:58pm] |
So, first things first, yes?
This picture is actually proof of 3 things.
1) That Bernie likes little girls as much as priests like little boys.
2) That he will be bald by the end of the next decade. (Proof? Check out the receding hairline.)
3) That his fashion sense is clearly rivaled by Sanjaya Malakar .. and no, that's not a compliment.Also, congrats Tony. You looked so PRETTY! (Oh, wait. No, that was your wife). Seriously, though? Awesome job, man. You guys looked perfect together. And hey! Maybe being married will, y'know. Loosen you up some. Cause, you need it :)
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| Now, now .. |
[21 Dec 2008|03:06am] |
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I have, admittedly, been slacking lately. Mostly because I've actually been reading these scripts. Or, trying to. But I want to assure my loyal subjects that you will be rewarded for your loyalty come Christmas Day. I say Christmas Day, because I think that celebrating the birth of a baby boy is the PERFECT day to celebrate Bernie. And by 'celebrate Bernie,' I clearly mean 'humiliate' him.
Bah, humbug!
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| A short break from your regularly scheduled programming. |
[22 Nov 2008|12:43pm] |
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So, okay. I know I give my agent a lot of shit. I mean, a lot of shit. Like, you remember that giant pile of dino - doo in Jurassic Park? Yeah, usually? Bernie is knee deep in that with me. I mean, I'm not knee deep in it, but .. I kind of cause him to be. It's this big horrible chain reaction thing.
Anyway, the point is. I give him a lot of grief. Annnnd I fully intend on continuing to do so. Which is why I'm going to pause, take a breath, and take a break from your regularly scheduled programming to say something nice about Bernie. 'Tis the season and all that jazz. Ready?
Bernie .. has nice eyebrows.
Ok, no. I keed. I mean, he does, but. I'm not going to stop there. Nor am I going to go where he probably assumes I'm going to.
The fact is. He's a pretty decent agent. I'm not interested in becoming super-celeb, but he has had a hand in making my lifelong dream (of becoming Tony Navagato's bitch girl, apparently) come true. So. It is around this time of year that I am reminded of what and who I'm thankful for.
Congrats, Bernie. You finally made the list.
Now, if you drop and give me twenty (and by drop, I mean 'your pants' and by 'give me twenty,' I mean $20.00) .. well, you might just earn a place on my Christmas card list too.
PS. For all you anxious bloggers looking for more dirt on my favorite subject. Well. You'll just have to wait a few more days. But I promise it'll be good.
PPS. Sorry, agent man. I lied. I definitely did go where I'm going to guess you assumed I'd go. Whoops?
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| HOT DAMN! |
[18 Nov 2008|01:13am] |
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Woooooooooooooooooooow. I always knew you liked 'em young, agent man, but I never realized just how young you liked them.
( Cozy lunch for two .. )
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| Rude awakenings. |
[10 Nov 2008|10:38pm] |
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So, when my agent heard that in some societies, looking weird and skeezy is equal to a high position in that society, he immediately set about finding the weirdest and skeeziest look he could pull off. ( I give you: )
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| Happy birthday, Mr. Senator ... |
[05 Nov 2008|12:11am] |
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Dear Senator McCain -
You may have lost the election, but you TOO! can still be a winner. That's right. I'm willing to overlook this horrible loss of yours in hopes of taking a peek at Little John. You know .. little John. It'd be great publicity.
PS. Dinosaurs did exist. The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Might Morphin Power Rangers all told me so. (Okay, just the Power Rangers) Please pass this on to your former running mate.
And just remember, Senator John, in considering my offer, three little words: yes, we can.
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| Opinion poll. |
[02 Nov 2008|01:41pm] |
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So, it's come to my attention, via a little birdie (who's actually really just a figment of my imagination and in no way is anyone spilling ol' Bernie's secrets to me), that my agent simply doesn't have enough of a handful in dealing with me.
This is where I insert my huge dramatic sigh and admit .. I've tried. I really, really, have tried. I mean, I hit on the old geezer. And .. nothing.
So, because I'm not young enough to cry jailbait, my options are .. slightly limited. Crack addiction, a la Lindsay Lohan .. orrrrr ... Lesbian sex addict? I'm fairly certain I could pull off either one if I put my mind to it.
Questions, comments?
PS. I'm voting for McCain - Palin. I mean, come on! Who DOESN'T want a Vice President who believes that God created the world in only seven days? I'm all for that one.
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| Scandalous. |
[24 Oct 2008|10:26pm] |
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Most girls my age would look at their thirty-nine year old agent (ooooollld) and think 'ew, gross!' But me? I prefer to look at Bernie and think 'hot DAMN, he may be old and wrinkly, but he's still fiiiiinne as hell.'
True story.
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| SO! |
[15 Oct 2008|06:29pm] |
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Apparently, zero is the new six. I'm actually fully convinced that all of those fashion magazines you Americans are so fond of contain subliminal messages that promote starvation. Although that doesn't explain the other extreme, but I chalk that one up to Dunkin' Donuts' fabulous advertising.
Also, if I offered to auction off a pair of Bailey Jacobs' boxers (on eBay), who here would actually bid? And c'mon, how much would you consider them worth?*
(*disclaimer: Miss Hughes has never and will never actually touch Mr. Jacobs' boxers, regardless of how many feet the pole actually is. Call it morbid curiosity.)
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| Mamma mia! |
[21 Sep 2008|11:08pm] |
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music |
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Mamma Mia! soundtrack |
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So .. my agent actually asked me if I'd be interested in possibly doing a musical. Like, on film. If a script/role came my way. Apparently, musicals are the cool new things to do.
I said it would have to depend on the musical. But really? Me? Singing? Try not. Oh well, it's a nice fantasy to have, I guess.
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| holy batshit crazy celebrity scandals! |
[10 Sep 2008|12:36am] |
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music |
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Pink! - So What |
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Wow. First Lohan turns into a crack whore -- no lie. Then Audrina and LC duke it out on The Hills. And now Keely Williams got married in a quicky wedding in Vegas?! Hollyyy hellfire Jaysus.
Sorry, that's just me being obnoxious, again.
Whoops.
So, Talented Mr. Ripley, where oh where hast thy murderous self gone?! Pls respond accordingly, before I go and make a life sized poster cut-out of you to auction on e-Bay. Love, Morgan
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